It got me thinking again…and again…and again. I cannot fathom the advice you, my friend, have given me. I cannot accept it. Confronting the person I actually fell in love with? It scares me. I could not allow myself to ask her such questions, yet I do not want to believe that she may be leading me on. Her job is busy as well having a graveyard shift, but I can understand the situation that she can text back after work or so. She can be either busy or ignoring me. Your words have put me unease and yet, you are correct. To solve this puzzling situation, the question to confront her to whether we have something special or not. ” Do we have something special between us”. I cannot think but your words are so powerful that it lingers in my mind for the rest of the event. You are right though, I need to tell her in person to whether we have something or not making this indication clear as a diamond.

Three possibilities that can happen: Yes, no or I don’t know. For me, my love for her is one sided. If she claim that it is, my entire life will forever be change due to the risen in emotions and motivation to overcome challenges. My fuel. My source. My love. Corny yet, the feels are absolute. If not, then the negative impact of my emotional pain will reflect as some sort of physical pain. Falling into depression and reflecting the behaviour to make a better man will not be possible, since I have fallen into despair for the third time hoping that this will not be my forth. Having to not show any weakness, I must stay strong in front of the public, but weak in isolation. During those journey, my love has been one-side since the beginning. My emotions became overwhelmed that it affects my body as a male. Being in someone’s shoe and showing sympathy. When it comes to being loved, the male brain releases dopamine and oxytocin, which makes a man fall in love. These love hormone lowers the ‘manliness’ of a male individual. It’s becoming clear that I have been affected by some way. but I cannot help that my heart will hurt more than the previous. First kiss stolen, first time being on a date, first time for actually develop these strange feelings for her. It’s too depressing. If she does not know. She will need to decide the two, because I can no longer be lead on again for the forth time.

Your advice will linger in my mind and so is her face. Her image will be running constantly in my mind and your advice will create an obstacle, being as a stack or a passing hurdle.

This will be the worst turn of events I have ever experience.

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